I am going to be using bodybugg now for the whole calories in calories out thing but I may still write in here periodicaly on how progress is going.

I forgot to add that my total calorie burn was 2178 yesterday.

Today...
I worked again today. I was bummed because I was planning on having salad from the cafeteria for lunch and then they decided to have a potatoe bar. I didn't have anything else to eat so I had a baked potatoe with all the fixings. Then for dinner I had a turkey sandwich. Total calorie count is 889. I'm kind of suprised. I thought it would be more. I'm not sure how to count some of thge things on the potatoe and I don't think its exactly right but...whats done is done. I did very good on water today. It was not quite as busy as yesterday. All in all it was a good day. I am struggling because I Ramsey and McKenzie invited me to do another half marathon May 1st. Its Sunday...I'm bummed about that and I'm not sure what to do. I really want to run antoher one and I need the motivation of those guys. McKenzies husband only has Sundays off so thats why they picked this one. I don't want to feel guilty but i would really like to run it. What should I do?

Today I worked and it was a very busy day! We barely had time to eat! I had:
tuna salad on greens from java blues
1 pita bread
1 turkey sandwich
1 bag kettle corn
According to myfitnesspal that is 1155 calories. Yay! Good job! I need to eat more fruits and vegeteables tomorrow though! I did not excercise today because I worked. Until tomorrow then!

To be or not to be

Ok well...I'm starting this blog for me! Can you imagine?! Something for me! I want to express my feelings of fear/loss/accomplishment/helplessness/sadness/triumph and whatever emotion that I feel as I struggle thru this existence. I am mostly dedicating it to weight loss and self image and everything that comes with that. You know what I mean...all those emotions that were above mentioned. I have this huge problem...I guess I will admit it right now. I think alot of ladies out there have it too. I go back and forth with the emotions and thoughts of "yes, I'm going to work hard and lose weight. I will be a size 4 just watch and see." and then when I do that for a week or actually more like 5 days I say "Embrace yourself. Eat those cookies and that icecream. We can't all be skinny." Then immediately after I eat whatever it is I feel guilty and immediatley think "ok I am going to work hard and lose weight." You know the routine. I HATE it! I HATE myself for constantly giving in to it! So I go back and forth from losing a few lbs to gaining it right back and then I get even more depressed because I'm starting from the beginning again. I think I will feel good after binging but then I'm even more hopeless and helpless and the cycle goes on and on and on...Well I think I just ended one of my binges and I had a thought today that made me realize something about myself. I like the whole being healthy thing. It feels good to eat good. I feel better about myself even if I'm not loosing the lbs I would like to. So why the binging?...I'm not sure. I think I just get frustrated with how I look and so I binge. No it doees not help. No in the end it does not feel better. Do you think Satan has a plan in this? I think he does. Enough for now. I will try to post something to help me as often as possible. I'm not saying I am going to model skinny or anything. I'm just tired of the mind games and the emotional roller coaster I put myself thru all the time! I'm just ready to be successful. To loose some weight and to be consistant with my diet and excercise. Something I always want to end with is this. Ashley, you are a daughter of God!