To be or not to be

Ok well...I'm starting this blog for me! Can you imagine?! Something for me! I want to express my feelings of fear/loss/accomplishment/helplessness/sadness/triumph and whatever emotion that I feel as I struggle thru this existence. I am mostly dedicating it to weight loss and self image and everything that comes with that. You know what I mean...all those emotions that were above mentioned. I have this huge problem...I guess I will admit it right now. I think alot of ladies out there have it too. I go back and forth with the emotions and thoughts of "yes, I'm going to work hard and lose weight. I will be a size 4 just watch and see." and then when I do that for a week or actually more like 5 days I say "Embrace yourself. Eat those cookies and that icecream. We can't all be skinny." Then immediately after I eat whatever it is I feel guilty and immediatley think "ok I am going to work hard and lose weight." You know the routine. I HATE it! I HATE myself for constantly giving in to it! So I go back and forth from losing a few lbs to gaining it right back and then I get even more depressed because I'm starting from the beginning again. I think I will feel good after binging but then I'm even more hopeless and helpless and the cycle goes on and on and on...Well I think I just ended one of my binges and I had a thought today that made me realize something about myself. I like the whole being healthy thing. It feels good to eat good. I feel better about myself even if I'm not loosing the lbs I would like to. So why the binging?...I'm not sure. I think I just get frustrated with how I look and so I binge. No it doees not help. No in the end it does not feel better. Do you think Satan has a plan in this? I think he does. Enough for now. I will try to post something to help me as often as possible. I'm not saying I am going to model skinny or anything. I'm just tired of the mind games and the emotional roller coaster I put myself thru all the time! I'm just ready to be successful. To loose some weight and to be consistant with my diet and excercise. Something I always want to end with is this. Ashley, you are a daughter of God!